Monday, December 1, 2008

"We're An American Band"

I am an accountant by profession, getting my start by being a tour accountant for various rock bands, back in the day before many of you, dear readers, were born. The thing to remember about touring with a rock band is that everything you've ever heard or imagined is true. If you think about the movie Almost Famous, you'll have some inkling as to what goes on.
This story is deadly true, and took place in the mid '70s, and I was out on the road with Alice Cooper. We were doing a spate of concerts for MidSouth Productions, and we blew through Memphis, Mobile, Jackson Miss, and then we pulled into Little Rock. I headed for the hotel to sort out my accounting and count the money, the crew went to the venue to set up, the musicians took naps and relaxed. When I get to the hall around 6PM, one of my roadie friends asks me if Connie has gotten to me yet, and I ask him Connie Who?? He says, "You know the song by Grand Funk Railroad...sweet sweet Connie's doing her act, she has the whole band and that's a natural fact," and it dawns on me...the song is about a groupie, a groupie whose aim isn't so high, the one who does the crew.
Now, all my guys know that I'm married, they've met Her, we're all good friends in spite and in addition to my being the straight guy, and yet the road manager hooks me up with Connie. I tell him it's really not my style, he tells me that I'll upset her, disappoint her, she prides herself on getting to EVERYONE. And so I wind up in Alice's dressing room, with my tongue down her throat, to start with, her hands all over me, and then she drops to her knees as if poleaxed, opens my zipper with her clenched teeth, pulls out my cocks and starts to go to work...and after a few minutes, I realize that her breath is tickling my stomach, and it's because she's swallowed me whole, and is breathing heavily through her flared nostrils...she's facing me and deepthroating me ever so She can do this, but usually only in a 69 position. But Connie, sweet Connie, has engulfed me and is mashing her nose into my pubic hair for all she's worth. And despite it all, I don't cum in her throat, but wind up fucking her standing up, and cum deep inside her. Yes, I know, unprotected sex, but this all took place during the only era when you couldn't die from having syphilis, pre AIDS.
The stranger part is that she travelled with us for a couple of weeks, met Her along the way, told Her how cute I was, and She never once imagined that my cock had been deep inside numerous parts of this seemingly nice girl.
Well, she was a nice girl, just a slut in the process.

Earworm-Grand Funk Railroad We're An American Band