Broads

I've always referred to some actresses as broads, although She never liked the term. It was referring to a certain type of actress that could appear tough and yet vulnerable at the same time, who was quick with a smirk or a leer, who picked or chose her moments with men, and who chose when to lose control and surrender.

Ellen Barkin was always like that, long before she got married and divorced. She's that way in the movie Siesta, a film probably best forgotten except for her and for the soundtrack by Miles. Without going back to see it, what I remember is a young girl, tough as nails, making her own way and making her own choices. Holly Hunter is like that now in Saving Grace on TNT. She decides, pure and simple, no matter what the choice is. She decides. Helen Shaver is another.

None of them is a knockout, all attractive and well proportioned (and all blondes, now that I think about it), but all have that certain toughness, that certain edge, that makes you want to do their bidding, no matter what it might be.

Earworm-Allman Brothers-Dreams

Surrender #2

During the summer, we wind up watching movies and TV shows that we order from Netflix, things we either didn't feel like spending $22 dollars on in the theaters, or stuff on premium channels that we don't subscribe to (we don't get any of them, no HBO, no Showtime, no nothin').

One of the shows we're catching up on this summer is Weeds, second season. The plot gets too convoluted to try to explain, but there's a sequence where the Mary Louise Parker's brother-in-law is trying to seduce the principal of his yeshiva/rabbinical school, only to have her reject him as not being manly enough (not a macho guy, the brother-in-law). But she does like his smooth skin and smooth ways....And in the next scene, she's stripped down to sexy underwear and thigh high stockings, and he's wearing less. She has on a strap on with a black cock that's way bigger than most guy's equipment, he's kneeling on the bed, and waiting on the penetration, as she tells him it's not as big as he thinks it is, and yes he can handle it.

We watched this together, and interestingly enough, She didn't comment on the scene at all, hot as it was. Maybe She's getting the idea, now that she's gotten together with the concept of sticking more than one finger up my butt....

Surrender

We all are looking for some form of surrender. Eminem puts it right in his song Lose Yourself, if that's the correct title. It's all about giving in to the feeling, the losing control of everything in the quest for surrender, about doing things to and for yourself or having them done to you that go far outside whatever boundaries might exist in everyday life, of loosing the bonds so that they fall by the wayside and disintegrate. I think that hardcore substance abusers understand this best, at least at the very start of their abuse, that initial burst of feeling that nothing else matters except what they're feeling right then.

I've been struggling with writing this for almost a week, ever since reading a post by Toy in her blog. The post was about being a slut, totally surrendering to feelings, and doing this to and by herself. (This sometimes leads to a discussion of how "nobody does you like you do you", but that's for another day and another time.) The post put down in words what I had thought about for a long time, and I salute her for that organizational capability.

Two things continually come to mind here that have appeared elsewhere in print. The first was a scene in that discredited autobiography A Hundred Million Pieces, in which the author describes a female friend of his, so smitten with her dealer crackhead boyfriend, that she allows him to whore her out for all comers, and then throws her out on the street totally naked, dressed only in a cardboard box. The total debasement and embarrassment practically make me stop breathing.

The second was an article in Tristan Taormino's Pucker Up column that appeared about two years ago. She wrote it from a convention, although which one I'm not sure. It was about a woman who totally surrendered to being dominated by anyone in the audience. Again, the concept and ability to give in so fully to whatever puts you over edge makes my throat close in the course of being aroused.

This has taken me almost a week to write, because it forces me organize things best left unorganized, and to say things best left unsaid. Once you put structure to something diaphanous, it establishes a form and structure that diminish the thing you're dealing with.

Earworm: Eminem-Lose Yourself